Letter 6: Stubborn, am I?... or a Cocooned caterpillar?
Dear determined daughters 1 & 2,
How are you? I am so happy to see that I am writing without fail today - making it letter number 6, consistently delivered to you each week, since I began the practice exactly a month ago on April 2nd. It is a moment of reflection, celebration, and pause for me. Each week, writing to you has allowed me to share my thoughts, perspectives, and ideas regarding self-development, growth, and self-actualization. But frankly speaking, this practice teaches me as much or more in the process.
I feel like I am chronicling my journey to becoming my ideal self. These ideas have been gestating in me for years. I had always been in awe of those who got what they wanted out of life. Those who were able to move from idea to execution with ease. Or so it seemed to me, anyway. What I missed seeing was what Bob Proctor would call the role that their "unconscious competence" played. But as I have grown, I have begun to decipher this.
I used to feel, that every time I attempted to better myself, I came upon hurdles. Insurmountable hurdles that I could not overcome without help from outside world in the form of people who helped boost my morale, confidence or helped me continue to believe in myself by believing in me. I felt like, my body often got in the way. My neck would get stiff. Stomach would go out of whack. Shoulders would be tight. And the pain triggered a need for constant self preservation. And so I would pause what I was doing and find another path to get on, hoping that it would be better on that path.
I think my yearning to find answers to this was so sincere and deep, that this year, something is different. I keep running into material by stalwarts of personal development, that all point to the same thing. From Bob Proctors voice constantly reiterating that as individuals, our “spiritual DNA is perfect"; to Louise Hay's writings pointing to how "stubborn" our thought processes have made us and they show up in the form of bodily ailment presentation; to James Clear's work on habits and him reiterating the importance of miniscule habit changes, I feel like I am having an aha moment.
I am realizing that successful people, or self-actualized individuals often have a common theme to them. They are disciplined beings, who follow through habits that serve their ideal self and goals well. Some do it consciously, most unconsciously. And I have struggled with this discipline. My thoughts are loud and every time I try to make a change to my old thought patterns or bring in new thought patterns, they make me go down a spiral - physical and mental. Feeling the need to save me - from the imminent change.
This week showed me this so clearly as I tried to operationalize some learnings from James Clear's ATOMIC HABITS book. I was effective on the first couple of days. But the third day, which was yesterday, I hit a wall. Flooded with too many thoughts and a sense of overwhelm, I, fortunately, stumbled back on Louise Hay's affirmations related to making changes. I was able to convince myself to repeat to myself - "I am willing to change". Alongside the affirmation that goes something like this:
It reminded me of the power I have to change the narrative for myself. Instead of just saying - I am being stupidly stubborn, acknowledging to myself that this is difficult for me, is very important. Recognizing that the seeming roadblock is part of the process of personal change. And seeing myself as the caterpillar in a cocoon helps me visualize a brighter future as that of a beautiful butterfly - who is getting ready to fly. Fly high.
So, in place of harsh reprimands for not doing enough yesterday; I pat myself on my back and truly feel proud for having this realization. Taking the required pause and sitting at my desk today, writing this letter to you two. I never really understood when my parents would say to me that once I set my mind to something, the sky is the limit. But today - I do. And I repeat it to you too - my determined, unwavering daughters - stubborn has a negative connotation to it - but truly these words are all synonyms - what matters is how we look at them and associate ourselves with them.
With warm hugs and love,
Your mumma!!