Letter 7: Triumphs and Travails of A Cocooned Caterpillar - The Plateaus and Peaks of Latent Potential

Dear dynamic daughters 1 & 2,

I struggled to narrow down a topic I wanted to write on this week. Why? Because, in continuation of my journey for self-improvement - this week I came across challenges that I am still working through while excelling in areas I never thought would be possible for me.

I think it is time for me to share with you a couple of strands of vision I have for myself. I have alluded to them in some letters I wrote before. I have not felt comfortable listing out my complete vision yet because it is continually evolving. I sometimes do not realize it, building a new vision upon another these as I achieve one piece.

Why is it so important to think about one's vision for oneself? The answer lies in the fact that this vision determines the habits I want to develop. The clearer my vision is, the easier it is to outline the habits I need to achieve it. James Clear, in his book, Atomic Habits, shares that habits that are borne out of an identity-based vision tend to stick better than habits borne out of an outcome-based vision.

Back in 2019, 2020 - when I lost both my parents in quick succession - I evidently had the ground from under my feet snatched away. It was a tumultuous time with many changes thrust in our life with the covid pandemic also under way. The work I did with my therapist helped me see that it was time for me to hone in on an identity based vision instead of outcome based vision. It was a moment of clarity when I realized the only way I could come back to my true potential was by becoming a confident, self-dependent woman.

While this would mean different things to different people - it translated for me in the form of becoming my own champion. Owning every action, inaction, peaks and valleys I experienced. At that time, I had a definite fear of driving on highways. I worked on it bit by bit. At my own pace. But keeping at it. Despite mistakes, despite staying in right most lane most of the past 4 years, I continued the habit. Without conscious realization, I used concepts that James Clear talks about in Atomic Habits - I picked a curated music playlist that played on all drives. I always walked out with a cup of my favorite instant mix coffee - so I felt energized on these drives. And slowly but surely the cocoon I was in with regards to driving fell away. Piece by piece.

I feel like I have shed the cocoon of fear around driving after a lot of hard work. The plateau of latent potential has been crossed, valley of disappointment overcome and this past Sunday - I drove my daughter, my friends, and me safely on the New Jersey Turnpike - for 30 odd miles, with a non-curated music list, making small talk, while moving lanes in between and getting them safely to their dance recital at edge of New Jersey and Pennsylvania.

It was easy to overlook this achievement. Because now, I am working on shedding some of the other weights I carry while cocooned. And I am facing some valleys of disappointments too.

For instance, it is no revelation that I struggle to practice the classical Indian dance form of Kathak most days because it leads to a sense of overwhelm. It's an ocean of learning, and I don't feel equipped to begin without guardrails. It is frustrating. Even while feeling frustrated, I have unconsciously been trying to put a couple of guardrails in. There are two that I have identified - one is just doing free-style dancing as I used to do when I was younger to get the endorphins released before beginning practice. Another guardrail is watching some helpful videos online of Kathak Gurus and Teachers sharing their wisdom about this form of art and how to practice it.

This is very important to note. That even while it may seem no progress is being made, my brain is working to help find a way for me to get better at this habit. If I don't recognize this, it would be a shame. Because it is easy to get lost while tracking just the frequency of how many times I practiced this week. As a cocooned caterpillar that is in the thick of the plateau of latent potential related to becoming a disciplined Kathak dancer, I feel like this is an important step for me to keep going on this journey. Finding the courage to keep moving forward. One step at a time. So as you and I go through the travails of a cocooned caterpillar, cheers to the hard work we will endure while never giving up on who we want to become. Ever. Take time to think about what plateaus of latent potential you have experienced or are experiencing currently. And reflect on how you see yourself adapting dynamically to the ever changing landscape of life!

Your ever optimistic,

Mumma