Letter 5: "Your thoughts create your life. It's that simple." Louise Hay

Dear joyful and low-key (read, calm!) daughters 1 & 2,

Lol! I went from feeling accomplished to realizing how I just dated myself within the first couple of sentences of the letter. Lol - is too old school of slang and low-key as a current teen slang means something entirely different than how I have used it here. Haha - this is amusing and also digressing from the main topic I wanted to talk about today!! Frankly speaking, it felt strange as I typed those adjectives for you and already steered away from 'd' combination adjectives in this letter. It was a trend I was hoping to continue through all my "dear daughters" letter series.

I began the letter originally with appropriate synonyms for moody and muddled with the letter 'd' combination - dispirited and discombobulated! But I remembered not one, but many of the motivational discourses I have been subscribing to in my life show up in the back of my mind. Reminding me that I need to put out in the universe that which I want more of - and I want to see more of the joyful, cheerful, happy, calm, confident, low-key daughters that I know I gave birth to!

As babies, you were the epitome of sweetness—both of you. You responded to everything with a kind-hearted demeanor, and smiled always; probably because you were just happy babies with your basic needs met. As I pen this one now, I know that you are both at difficult ages. One smack dab in the middle of teenage years. And the other is a pre-teen. There's a lot to look forward to during these years as your body grows and matures while your brain is catching up too. And you two are growing up to be beautiful thoughtful human beings. A huge part of this growing-up phase is the introduction of hormonal changes in your body-mind system. Or as I like to put it, it's the unwelcome "welcome to the throws of hormonal fluctuations" that will impact almost 1/2 of your life! What makes this a truly tumultuous phase in life is the fact that it all feels like a muddled mess.

I have experienced these cycles of hormonal fluctuations for way too many decades now. It's like the Rock 'n' Roller coaster ride at Disney's Hollywood studios - right? Feeling good one day about yourself and not so good the next. Fighting the inner voice that is turning each piece of feedback you get from the world into something that you need to either fear or be worried about. And automatically your body and mind go to the fight or flight mode. These hormonal fluctuations are not in your direct control. It's the nature of being that age. And the nature of being born a female.

I have personally decided that for me, this recurring roller coaster ride is not working. I need to take charge of what I can and not let the plummets take me out completely.

Usually during these plummets, feelings flood me. I don't feel like adulting, parenting, or even friending. With low self-esteem and a high chance of negative self-talk, all I want to do is take a few days off, curl up on my couch, and watch healing kdramas. This kicks guilt in high gear and the nagging voice makes me rather upset with myself, the people around me, and all situations.

As a result of the overwhelming onslaught of emotions, I often seek external affirmations and validation during the hormonally influenced plummets. But it is usually a vicious cycle as I end up giving power to others in the process.

To break this cycle, I have looked far and wide for resources. There are many available from foods you ought to eat, medicines (herbal and otherwise) you can take, physical exercises to do, and personal support networks you can reach out to or even meditation. I tried one or all in various permutations and combinations.

Nothing has led to the kind of lasting changes that I have desired in my mind and body. Nothing until I came across some teachings by Louise Hay very recently. Intrigued by the mind and body connection, I have been reading a lot about this topic. Louise Hay's material speaks to me because she was a woman. Who dealt with her health issues by working on the mind-body connection. More than anything though, as the analytical person that I am, I needed to acknowledge to myself that this is hard for me. Every girl/woman deals with it - yes, but the level of debilitating anxiety it leads to for me is disruptive. And the universe handed me the tool to help me acknowledge this problem. In the form of helping me discover Louise Hay - another rockstar lifelong learner and her teachings.

I have just begun this journey of reading her materials and discourses. But I feel this path will lead to a lot more learning for me. I understand now that during those times of hormonal fluctuations, I will have to build a stronger inner core of self esteem for myself. One that does not waver and may even lessen the hormonally induced roller coaster rides. This might mean, I spend a little more time during those days introspecting, reading, hibernating. Watching (NOT BINGING!!) healing kdramas - but doing so without guilt! While I continue to nourish my body and mind. A version of discipline and focus will be needed. So basic things that are on my to-do list get done. Writing is one of them. Practicing yoga, dance is the other. I cannot focus my "energies on giving power to outside influences" as Louise would say and get bogged down by negative self-talk thoughts my mind spurns at the rate of lightning speed!

I truly do have the answers within me, and I hope you girls find yours too as you continue down this road of becoming a warrior woman!

Love always,

Mumma!