Letter 2: Are you enough?
Dear dainty YET dauntless daughters 1 & 2,
I hope you are well! I am back to share my perspective on self confidence and how it plays a critical role in one's mental health. This topic has been gnawing at me for days now. What is self confidence? What are the components of self confidence? What image do I project to myself of me. And why is self confidence such a tricky part of not just maturing and growing up but also impacts how we handle life's curveballs and stresses thrown our way.
I don't quite know how you see me as your mom today, but I can attest to being an anxious child growing up and the more I work on myself now - I realize that how I see myself now, what level of confidence I find in myself are key factors to me getting past the anxiety. A lot of the anxiety I experienced as a child was in part because my self image was never a positive one. On the surface though - I projected a confident enough exterior, so no one could tell how I was feeling inside. I was not presented with the mirror and I only began this journey of looking inward about 9 years back as I began therapy. I realized that as a child, my parents were my rock. They told me what I needed to do and helped (read - designed!) decisions for me. That is just the way it was. And it was easy that way for me. They were part of my self confidence and I looked to them every step of the way.
As I grew older, friends took on that role (and I was lucky to be blessed with some amazing friends in my life). And once I got married, your father became that person for me. The steadfast voice that helped build up my confidence in myself. And as I look at it today - I spent 40+ years of rotations around the sun looking to someone to have confidence in me, and then I felt self confident.
I would like it to be different for the two of you. Why? Because, what your inner self can give you in terms of confidence, no one else can. We will always be here to cheer you on, but as your parents we feel strongly that one of the most important things we can help you develop is your sense of self and independence. It will also enable you to surround yourself with those who nurture you and build you up. Its the law of attraction! But more on that later.
For now, I want to leave you with some nuggets of wisdom that have helped me build upon my self confidence and also share some resources that may come in handy.
1) Self Knowledge vs. Ignorance. Whether it be our religious, mythological text, Geeta or what some of the best minds in the field of personal growth surmised; knowledge is the sword that can cut the bonds of ignorance. Simply put, being true to oneself - and equipping oneself with knowledge about our truest self, is the foundation required to behead self doubt. I attach a short video by Bob Proctor - outlining how you rid yourself of self doubt and in its stead build a strong sense of self. "Self study will develop self confidence, and self confidence eliminates self doubt."
https://youtu.be/E-t_i1rPTVI?si=aZYdARQ9JbmWwCCM
2) Failure. We all fail. As constantly learning beings we all fail our way to success. It is important to "Remember that failure is an event, not a person.” ~Zig Ziglar. How you look at your failures is always going to be a key to how strong your self confidence.
3) Responding vs. Reacting. Feedback is omnipresent around us. Our body and mind are giving us constant feedback about how we are doing in a situation. People around us are also giving us feedback. Always pause to listen to the feedback and evaluate before responding to it. Reacting to it can often be hasty and misconstrued or misunderstood. I have found for myself that this is a big piece of how I feel on any given day. The days I am more reactive in the moment, my self confidence tends to plummet. I feel more angry and out of control. And this is why I have started to practice the pause. I do this for me by writing in my journal - analytical as well as gratitude journaling. It helps me look at the positives in my life and also analyze situations from a calmer lens!
Academically and practically, a lot of people have written about self confidence and done research on this topic. I have just touched upon it from my lens here. Outlined things that help me overcome self doubt and build upon my self esteem and image. I hope some of this resonates with you! At the end of the day, that feeling of "I am enough" is what I am hoping for the two of you, especially during tumultuous trying times. I have undoubted faith in your ability to do so, do you?
Love you girls so much and looking forward to writing more for you and (its also mostly for me! :-)... Shhh).
Your’s proudly,
Mumma